A couple of things.

Well, that Community Cup was fun.

That's me telling off a photographer, for snapping me while I was asking that homeless guy for a cigarette. And I got to see my old mate Phil Bryant (of the Corpsegrinders) dressed as a woman. And the right team won, too- the RRR/PBS Megahertz got up by one point.
Also- I have recently been asked to get involved with a new blog hub thing, you gonna get it. So (most) of what goes up here will also be found there, alongside a bunch of other folks' stuff. Mostly music based, mostly Australian. It's a cool idea, and there are no ads or fine print. If you have a blog, drop them a line.

I got in

before Bruce Milne handed over the door stamp to the new management:

So, yes, it was a good night. Pretty much everyone I expected/hoped to see there was there, the sightlines in the revamped bandroom are much better, and the beers were free. The new carpet and lack of stuff on the walls was the only noticeable difference, really.
I don't know if this is the official end of an era, or the official start of a new one. But it's the Tote, and it has bands on again.

Thanks to Carbie for the pic.

Get your own trumpet.

Look, I don't want to boast, but LTH 4 really is the best thing on this weekend. Well, apart from the X/UV Race show, but that's on Friday.

Aided by a massive press campaign (thanks, Paddy) it's a cert to sell out early. I'll be at the bar if anyone needs me.

JJJ- an apology (kinda).

Like no doubt many of you, I've often been less than complimentary about our national "youth broadcaster", JJJ. I rarely if ever listen to it, and indeed have been known to suggest (on more than one occasion) that it would be a far better enterprise if it was being run by that young, gothy-looking girl who works behind the counter at JB HiFi in Chadstone.
But- but- allow me to go on record as saying that presenter Dom Alessio is clearly someone who knows what the fuck he is on about.

Down time.

But I have been busy.
I read this
and this

And I watched the movie, too. The book is better than the movie, by the way.
I ate some of this

and this.
I drank a few Bloody Marys in a park on Good Friday, as well.

I was there at Parliament House for this, which was great.

Oh, and I bought (a print of) this

Now, back to business.
This will either be great, or fucking atrocious:

Circle Pit are, after all, a band who choose to participate in internet threads started expressly to give them shit. And for that they deserve some respect. Or interest, maybe, or a kick in the teeth. Who knows?
Anyway. Normal business has resumed. Oh, and Melburnians- or anyone who will be in Melbourne on the night- should pencil the next "Last Tram Home presents..." show on May 8th at the Old Bar into their diaries right now.

A polite reminder.

Well, I say polite, but really, you'd be a fucking idiot to miss this at the Old Bar on Friday.
Number three in an infinite series:

Yes, you read that right- Uneasy Listeners are indeed the four remaining members of the Seminal Rats, Penny Ikinger is playing with Andrew McCubbin, and Johnny Casino and the Secrets are playing all up close and personal.
As ever, feel free to say hello. I'll be there til closing.

YISYISYIS

I believe that I am somehow contractually obliged to mention this show, at the Birmy tomorrow night, where the kind people from YIS will be giving away limited copies of a new CD. You can listen to one of the tracks here.
I can't see what all the fuss is about, really.

The best photo of me taken this year.

Split Lips. Born Loser.

Things we do when hungover, part 115

So, I booked a ticket for ATP NY today.

I have no passport, and haven't told my employer yet. Oh well.
Fuck your SxSW, the Scientists are doing "Blood Red River" before Mudhoney do "Superfuzzbigmuff" AND THEN the Stooges do "Raw Power". I'll be in another country getting fucked up to all that- what could possibly go wrong? There's a decent Melbourne contingent signed up already- see you there?

Aktion.

Hello again. Sorry for the quietude. Much occurring, on this side of the screen.
And plenty more to come.
In the meantime, Dan & Rene of Aktion Unit have started a blog, putting up both sound files and posters for a slew of their live shows- you can keep yourself entertained for a while exploring it here , I'm sure.

The first "Last Tram Home presents..." is on.

Hmm, not sure I need to say much more. But I will anyway.

After 30 or so years of going to shows in his beloved Melbourne, TJ Honeysuckle finally steps up to the crease and says ''Bite this for a good night out''.

An eclectic selection of bands, pulled screaming from the headlines of his long running and (allegedly) renowned blog, Last Tram Home, will be playing at the Old Bar, 74 Johnson St Fitzroy, every couple of months.

Do not expect clever themed nights- expect a strange but ultimately satisfying mix.

The line up for the first show is now confirmed as:
Late Arvo Sons, probably playing lots of tunes from their excellent debut album ''Letters From Another Alphabet''
Crystal Thomas and the Flowers Of Evil, probably playing lots of tunes from their forthcoming new album.
Aktion Unit, probably making a big sweet sweaty racket.

and I'll be rounding off the evening by playing a heap of old vinyl- mostly Australian. Come along and I'll spill beer on your good boots. Or not.

"Last Tram Home presents..."

There's long been a tag here for "relentless self promotion". That's soon to be cranked up a notch- the first "Last Tram Home presents" live event is now officially in the works.
Details are still TBA- some calls need to made- but a date and venue have firmed up. Inner city, on November 2nd, which is Cup Eve, if you want to pencil that into your diary right now.
Stay tuned for full info, and so on.
Anyone interested in playing this (or any of the planned future ones) should get in touch via the email link in my profile.
I gotta go- that's Gudinski ringing my mobile.

Followers.

How odd.
It's kinda flattering though. Feel free to sign up- I need the money. If I don't actually know you, it'd be nice to get an email or something first. Don't just show up. If you do, though, please bring a six pack and a copy of John Carpenter's "The Thing" on DVD to ensure a warm welcome, and give us something to talk about.
Note: those of you who are Twitter users will shortly have another option for keeping track of this nonsense.

Christmas sloth.

Oops. Sorry about that. I seem to be coming up a bit short lately.
I blame two things- a lack of inspiration (combined with general tiredness) and the upcoming Christmas hoo-hah. That shit leaves me cold, I'm afraid.
No, this isn't some anti-Christian or anti-commercialism rant. I'm just over it. And, you know, I can be pretty lazy at times. About many things.



With this in mind, can I ask that anyone who wants to get me a present this year, sponsor a sloth instead. Details are in that link.

Webcam update

Hmm,I forgot that I said I'd do this now and again.
Incredibly detailed and informative update:

From hibernation to observation.

Those of you who check in here regularly will have noticed this isn't a stream of consciousness blog, wherein I record everything from my morning cup of coffee to the noontime piss it engenders.
And for good reason- those kind of blogs bore me to tears.
I see and do too much to ever try and capture every blink and breath here- hey, I'm busy actually doing things. What you get here at the Tram are edited highlights- or lowlights - of that.
But recently I made a determined effort to capture some of the things that I do see and hear, over and above those I want to talk about, or that I get paid to report on. Here, then, is a notebook sketch of a 45 minute trip into town to see a show in the city last week:

• There are four or five teenage Asian Guido types in the local liquor store, arguing amongst themselves over who has what cash to buy a $40.00 bottle of Jagermeister. When I go to the counter, the Sikh bloke who runs the joint (and who knows me) winks and says he can't wait to ask them for ID.
• At the train station, two Maori girls with a slab of bourbon & coke ask me if I want a drink, but then one of them changes her mind- "Buy one, mate, buy one". I walk on, the train pulls in.
• In the city, I walk down Bourke Street, past an overtanned, overweight, overmoneyed but unhappy couple. Her- strapless, facelifted, him- red faced, wearing a blue blazer. Both are talking at about wine and taxis.
• There are a bunch of wannabe gangsters outside a notorious cafe a bit further down. No sign of any real trouble, though.
• When I cross the street, I find a couple of chunky-knit, chunky-jewellery type middle aged lesbians are having a hissy argument over the outside ashtrays, while a lost and lonely tourist family wander past, with the teenage girl whining about not getting to go to the Hard Rock Cafe.
• In a alleyway just off Chinatown, I see four men sitting at one table in a busy restaurant, deep in heavy conversation, while a huge bald guy sits by himself at a table set for five just next to them, watching every word. Bodyguard? Who can tell?
• Outside the Exford, a spotty backpacker holds an armful of (cheap, thin, greasy) takeaway pizza boxes like she's trapped them herself, while her buddies inside forget to buy beers and watch the rugby game playing in the back bar's huge plasma TVs instead.
• I turn around and see a huge ad for a strip joint pasted three stories high over the intersection.
• I buy some Pretz, (savoury cousin of the Pocky) from an Asian grocery, but then, 20 metres up the street, save a Chiko Roll from certain extinction in a dodgy bain-marie, and then head on through the drizzle.

And that, dear reader, was what I saw on the way, before my evening started.

Last Tram Home now has a webcam

Yes, a recent upgrade means we have the means to post live streaming video and snapshots.
What am I wearing right now? Pretty much the usual.

Don't get too excited, pervert.

Links

I've just updated the links section- culled a few dead ones, added some new ones.
The team at Across The Rooftops have gone a bit quiet lately, but there is plenty to keep you occupied until they catch up.
Andy Ramadge's Pop In Print is more regular- he has a keen eye and a good ear.
Tom Reynolds talks about cars and motorbikes a lot- that's his job- and he too has a very keen eye. Check out his take on the Princess Diana conspiracy theories. I've been for a couple of memorable drives with him.

I've also added some more unsolicited endorsements- those are always welcome.

BBQ update

My, my, if I'd got to the bottom of that bag of hickory chunks a bit quicker- like, by sometime in 1991- I could have been 55c better off. Oh well, no point crying over spilt marinade. Here's some recent pork:

And some more recent ribs- beef asado ribs:

Trimmed, with all the bones removed except one- this is what I threw away:

They then got marinated and rolled before cooking:

Sorry about the blur in that last shot, I was hungry, and couldn't be arsed taking another one.

Greatest (non-blog) hits, part 1

Hello.
Here's something I wrote a few years back, for my good friends at Pyssedas Heavy Industrial.
It's the itinerary for the Melbourne- well, South Melbourne- leg of the Great Intercontinental Pub Crawl.
They run this every year- click that link to sign up for 2008.
Anyway, here it is.

1-Palmerston Hotel- cnr Kingsway & Palmerston Cres.
In the early 1860s Lord Palmerston amassed a fortune importing the famous “parmesan” cheese, which still bears his name, to Melbourne - this pub is a fitting tribute to a great man. Not to be confused with the Pink Palace, across Kingsway (which offers a "Saturday Special $49.00 nude hand relief", if you are running early).

2-Rising Sun Hotel- cnr. Eastern Rd & Palmerston Cres.
A taste of Deep South Melbourne in the famous House of the Rising Sun! The only things you will need are a suitcase and a trunk, apparently. Sin and misery on tap.

3-Cricket Club- cnr. Clarendon St. & Thompson St.
Memorabilia galore to admire here, where the Don used to come to get blotto and fight after every MCG Test Match. Important- actual crickets, grasshoppers, locusts etc NOT welcome in the front bar.

4-Lewis’ Emerald Hill Hotel- cnr. Clarendon St. & Raglan St.
A short walk down the yellow brick road of Clarendon St. to the Emerald. This is a quiet old-school boozer, so no mucking round. Drink up and get out. Now. You’re barred, the lot of you.

5-Limerick Arms- cnr. Clarendon St. & Park St.
A pause to compose a special Intercontinental Pub Crawl limerick. Or at least a rousing song, perhaps to the tune of the Spongebob Squarepants theme, which we can sing/bellow for the rest of the crawl.

6- Town Hall Hotel- cnr. Moray St. & Bank St.
This place has somehow slipped downhill from its original position and is now nowhere near the Town Hall! What's the story? 10 points for each correct answer, judges' decision final.

7-Bell’s Hotel & Brewery- cnr. Moray St. & Coventry St.
Huzzah for Bells Brewery, where they make the scotch! Och aye, laddie, we'll have a wee dram the noo...what? Oh. Sorry, no, apparently this is where beautiful beers are brewed by intelligent women, and vice versa. Dream on fellas!

8-Maori Chief- cnr. Moray St. & York St.
Nothing to report. Sorry.

9- Golden Gate- cnr. Clarendon St. & Coventry St.
Just how did a pub in Melbourne get named after a bridge in San Francisco? It’s a long, sorry tale, involving a gullible landlord and a fast talking American conman with a bogus title deed in his pocket. And a suicide. Don’t dwell on it.

10-George Hotel- cnr. Coventry St. & Cecil St.
Windows could do with a clean. Looks like a good place to stop and watch a bit of footy. Also has pub TAB for horse tragics.

11-Market Inn - cnr. Cecil & York St.
Another in the "Pubs of the Commonwealth" series, this is mainly English-ish, due to the current plague of backpackers. Why are there no Canadian or South African theme pubs? Don't those guys drink or something? Discuss.


12- Southern Cross, cnr. Cecil St. & Market St.
The antique Haig’s ad on the wall gives this ageing bloodpit a raffish air. Despite the chic new umbrellas & cafe seating outside, don't linger after dark.

Then onto tram 112 up Clarendon St. and into the city for the grand finale/vomiting etc.

13- International Backpackers, cnr. Flinders St & Spencer St.
Bit optional this one- but anyway, after avoiding hideous decapitation at the helipad, why not slip in here for a cheeky $2.00 pot? They also run a backpackers’ job agency here, so your dream career in apple picking or IT temping may be just around the corner.

14- Waterside Hotel, cnr. Flinders St & King St.
Ah, if these walls could talk…they would spout a load of toothless drunken gibberish, probably. Recently renovated, and now said to be murderer free.

15- the Joint, cnr. Elizabeth St. & Flinders Lane.
Last one standing is crowned Drunkard of the Year, and moves into the semi finals. Huzzah! Enter chorus, all sing "It's A Small World After All", curtains close.

Details:
Start- 12.00pm at the Palmerston. Trams 3, 5, 8, 16, 64, 67 & 72 from the city all stop at Domain Interchange, a block away. Don't be late.
Melways map ref. 2K H3

Timing- ½ an hour per pub. No arguments, no time wasting. Get in, get one down you, then get cracking, we have a long way to go today.

Food- you will need to eat something. Most locals seem to exist on a diet of focaccia & coffee, but there are many other options. The famous South Melbourne Market dim sim is in season, and is easily caught using a net or the traditional blowpipe & dart. All the pubs to be visited offer expensive potato chips in ridiculous flavours like gingered oyster or goat cheese & ketchup. There is also a pie shop. Remember that citrus fruits are illegal south of the Yarra.


salut!