Sympathy For Sale

The ad's genuine. Read on...

FOR SALE Preeminent Independent Record Label

Sympathy For The Record Industry

$625,000.00 or $700,000.00 if i don't like you

Known for a multitude of things including releasing early efforts by Hole, The White Stripes, Turbonegro, Rocket from the Crypt and The 5,6,7,8's as well as resurrecting the classic music of immortals such as Roky Erickson, New York Dolls, Suicide, The Gun Club, Spacemen 3, The Scientists and Wanda Jackson and lets not forget the serious concentration on a plethora (like that word??) of bands in hot beds such as Memphis, Detroit and Montreal and also being among the first to look towards the Far East to unleash the demented and curious off-kilter sounds of those crazed ornamentals (Asians to you of a p.c. mindset)...
So what?? 'Big deal' you say, well, Sympathy has also worked with underated and seemingly unsung heroes like Billy Childish, The Oblivians, Holly Golightly la la la etc and are hailed for recognizing and employing important visual artists to create wonderous covers by Mark Ryden, Camille Rose Garcia, Yoshitoma Nara, Liz Mcgrath, Coop, The Pizz, Dan Clowes blah blah blah la la la etc ad infinitum...
Sympathy are also responsible for releasing records by untold bands of differing degrees of talent with really cool names like The Pleasure F*ckers, Banana Erectors, Anal Babes, Candypants, Teenage Larvae, Tri-State Kill Spree, Iowa Beef Experience, The Child Molesters, Penetration Moon, Smegma, Ethyl Meatplow, The Spaceshits and Destroy All Monsters...

Single-handedly responsible for lowering the standards of the entire record industry...

includes:
questionable/nebulous rights to nearly 750 releases by over 550 bands
current distribution deal with foremost U.S. independent distributor with strong international distribution as well
existing stock modestly estimated at a wholesale value of 1.8 millon dollars
all master tapes, acetates, stampers and mothers to continue production of titles
massive personal archive of sympathy rarities (lots of amazing surprises)
preliminary cover layouts/some original artwork/interesting and valuable artifacts galore
established web site and vastly lucrative mail order business

over 30 snappy sarcastic slogans featuring much-loved heavy-hitters:

"We almost really care'
"Is a force this powerful going to be overlooked by an industry that needs all the Sympathy it can get"
"You've tried the rest now go f*ck yourself"
"Sound and fury signifying nothing" (ok, we stole that one from Shakespere)
"West coast perpetrators of the finest in musical mayhem"
"The most favoritest populars, cost so little goody you like 'em"
'A name you can pronounce since 1988"
'18 years of performance anxiety, instability and poor judgement'
'We just don't know when to gve up'
"A tradition of obscurity and obsolescence"

incomprehensible bad reputation included at no additional cost

interested parties contact long gone john (anti-mogul/fat cat/accidental c.e.o.) at sympathy13 [at] aol [dot] com

Sympathy is a great label that's been home to lots of great bands. That Long John Gone is of the opinion it's going nowhere may be symptomatic of outstanding rock and roll music as we know it gradually going under - or he might just be shagged out.